Angry beavers and childhood trauma.

So were sitting  on the couch with my partners and watching the Arbor Day episode, and one of the beaver brothers gets a giant amazing train set and the other gets an air freshener. Obviously there’s  tomfoolery and it ends with a second present being delivered cause it was to big to come with the first one, still it brought back alot of memories for us.

we were never wanted as a child by our parents and while it showed over the year it really showed during birthdays and holidays. my older brother got everything he asked for. he got legos, parties, trips, fancy books, and so much more. I would get a china doll i couldn’t play with, a barbie (until i turned 13 and was too old for dolls), a book or two, and maybe if i was lucky we could go to dinner at my brothers favorite restaurant, and that’s if i even got to celebrate at all. most years i got 20$ from my grandparents and an "oh its your birthday? happy birthday" from my parents. thats right folks, my parents don’t know when I'm born and no I'm not adopted. i had to bring my birth certificate to college with me because my birthdate was wrong on so many forms that admissions wasn't sure i was a real person.

its not that they forgot me that hurts, its that the only time they got my birthday right in 28 years was the one where i went no contact. that one hurts the most. more than all the years they promised me gifts and parties and i never got them, more than the years i bought my own gifts and cake to celebrate, more than them inviting someone who made me uncomfortable to a dinner i didn’t  want at a place I didn't like, it hurts because it proves that they always knew they just never cared. and i get it you had your perfect baby boy first and the second was a mistake, but I’ve bent over backwords and twisted in knots to make them love me and it just was never going to happen. it was never going to happen no matter what i did. they still dont love me or want me, they only remembered me this year because i left and that effects their image as good parents.

i wish there had been a package for me at christmas or on my birthday but there never was because i just don’t matter to my parents. i do matter to my partners though. they celebrate evrything i do. they never miss a chance to show me they love me and they tell it to me too. i love the family we’ve made for ourselves.

writen by echo and raven. lightly edited by Bay(partner)